Chella Courington
With a quirky sense of humor leaning toward the bleak, I never sit down with the conscious intent of writing humorously. Usually, an image, a line or something I’ve just read triggers my first words. Then I try to follow them wherever they go. What emerges may be a funny poem, a serious poem or a blend. Like many artists I think that comedy and tragedy coexist in the same space.
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Medley
I
Hi, don’t hang up, my name is Meredith Medley.
What?
Meredith Medley.
What kind of name is that?
Oh, my mom teaches piano at Waverly High.
Waverly? I went there.
Me too, graduated in 98.
I graduated in 88. Are you calling me about the reunion?
No, I’m calling about your favorite TV show.
My what?
Favorite TV show.
I don’t watch TV.
Does anybody in your household?
Who wants to know?
Me.
What if there’s nobody in my household?
Are you saying you’re single?
What if I am?
Are you looking?
For what?
Someone to be with.
Like who?
Anybody. What do you do if you don’t watch TV?
Why should I tell you?
Cause I work for Nielsen.
II
Hi, don’t hang up, my name is Meredith Medley.
What do you want?
What’s your favorite TV show?
Why?
I work for Nielsen Ratings.
Nielsen who?
Ratings.
Oh.
So, what’s your favorite?
The Biggest Loser.
You fat?
Not really.
How much do you weigh?
130.
How tall?
5’9.”
You’re almost skinny. I weigh that much & I’m 5’5.”
Yeah. I don’t eat between meals.
So, what’s your favorite show again?
The Biggest Loser.
Why?
I hate fat people & hate myself for hating them.
Really.
So when they lose weight, I can love them again.
Really.
And when I love them again, I can love myself again.
Really.
III
Hi, don’t hang up, my name is Meredith Medley.
But I sent my cell number to dontcalldotgov.
So?
So you shouldn’t be calling me.
Why not? I’ve called 20 other people today.
But they probably didn’t send their number to dontcalldotgov.
Maybe they did.
If they did, you wouldn’t be interrupting their life.
What do you mean interrupting?
Like you’re doing to me.
What were you doing when I called?
Sleeping.
At 4 in the afternoon?
Look Missy whoever you are, it’s none of your goddamn business.
Excuse me, sir, but that language is totally uncalled for.
My language? You’re the one who woke me up.
But you’re the one who took our heavenly father’s name in vain.
But maybe he’s not my heavenly father, just yours.
What? You don’t believe in God?
It’s none of your goddamn business.
Look sir, I’m not going to talk to you unless you apologize.
What?
Click.
IV
Hi, don’t hang up, my name is Meredith Medley.
Are you kin to Mel Medley?
Never heard of him.
So you might be?
Don’t know. Why?
He makes the meanest babyback ribs in Austin.
You from there?
No, but my best friend went to UT.
Hmm, what’s your favorite TV show?
South Park.
What?
South Park.
How old are you?
Why do you want to know?
Cause my nephew watches it.
How old’s he?
12.
So what? Those guys who write it are a lot older than that.
How old are you?
45.
And you like South Park?
Yeah, ever want to turn Barbara Streisand into a monster?
When my mother gave me Streisand’s Greatest Hits.
See. Trey Parker & Matt Stone are geniuses.
Who’s talking about genius? Thought it was South Park.
Those are the guys who write it.
What else you going to do with names like Trey & Matt?
What? What’s your name again?
Meredith Medley.
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Chella Courington teaches at Santa Barbara CC and currently works on an MFA at New England College. Her recent poetry has appeared in Prism Review, Touchstone, SUB-LIT, Studio, and shaking like a mountain. When not writing or teaching, she sits in the giant chair on Canon Perdido