In this cold before dawn,
I know I should have told you everything.
In the company of shadows,
your mockery would be bright and warm.
I know I should have told you everything,
two conspirators awake all night.
Your mockery, so bright and warm,
would balance the full weight of this knife.
Conspirators awake all night,
we plotted and planned Caesar's last few moments,
we balanced the full weight of a knife
against tyranny, the flowers on his statues.
We plotted and planned Caesar's last few moments.
In my weakness, I had hoped to hold you
from the tyranny, the flowers on the statues
always fresh, roses and columbine.
In my weakness, I want to hold you,
the far softer flesh of my body,
fresh roses and columbine.
Self-murderer before I murder Caesar:
this far softer flesh of my body
I cut in twain, dear honorable wife
self-murdered. Before I murder Caesar
I should tell you everything.
I cut us in twain, dear honorable wife.
On conspiracy's full sea I am now adrift.
I should have told you everything
and made a mooring as I made you wife.
On conspiracy's full sea, I am now adrift
in the company of shadows.
I had a mooring as I had a wife
in the cold, before dawn.
—mary alexandra agner